The White Punjabi Bride
Are You Being Kept A Secret From Your Indian Partners Family?
Updated: Dec 22, 2020
Many families in India, in particular Punjab, still hold very traditional views on marriage, one being that you should marry a good Indian boy or girl. Given that arranged marriages are still prevalent in Indian society, many elders expect to be involved in choosing their son or daughters partner. So when a son moves abroad and dates outside of his culture, in many cases, he isn't able to tell his parents of his relationship without great precaution and planning.
However on the flip side there are many who won't tell their parents simply because they just aren't that into you. There is no point going through the drama should he not be serious in dating outside his culture and going against his parent's wishes. Parent's usually give their son the okay to enjoy his life whilst he is young, if he will then marry within his culture when the time comes.
So why does there need to be great precaution and planning involved in telling the parents? There is a possibility that if they aren't open to your relationship given their traditional mind set, then you both could be potentially cut off. This is because those who feel this strongly about marrying into their culture tend to view your relationship as bringing shame to the family.
Therefore if you are both serious about spending your life together he will need to be prepared to never see his family again. This could be difficult if he has a close relationship with them and may continue to keep you a secret so that he can muster up the courage. He would also need to consider that there would no longer be any financial or emotional support which means you both need to lead a stable lifestyle.
Though not all parent's feel that strongly that they will disown their child, however may still cause much emotional distress by not being supportive of your interracial relationship. This kind of undue stress could cause reason for anyone to continue to keep your relationship a secret. As although they may not disown their child, if they marry outside their culture, you could be in for monster in laws for the rest of your life together.
Related Article: 10 Matters To Discuss With Your Indian Partner Before Marriage
However if there is a chance that the parents could be open to your relationship then timing is key and taking precautions to ensure the best possible outcome. Things to consider might be ensuring you both are working so that it shows them you are both responsible and hard working. Along with making sure not to clash with any other important dates in their calendar like his brother's wedding. You want to have a discussion when there are no other stresses on their mind. You also don't want to take away the limelight from his brother's wedding.
There is the possibility he might already be having discussions with his family about how they would react if he married outside the culture, and planting seeds. Also introducing you as a friend or perhaps meeting other friend's or family can help path the way. So when the time comes they are more susceptible to approve your relationship.
Having his parents be more open to your relationship can take time in the Indian culture. Some couples have gone anywhere from one to five years or more, as a secret. So if you are needing some concrete evidence he is in it for the long haul, why not ask to meet a close friend or family. This way they can also act as support for when he has the discussion with his parents.
However this might not be enough for you as it is only natural to want to be involved in your partners life. Therefore you may want to have the discussion around when he plans to tell his parents, although this can be a touchy topic. This way you can both strive towards the same goal and have some light at the end of the tunnel, without feeling as though your relationship is going nowhere. Depending on how the discussion with your partner goes, will at least help you determine if this is what you want.
Though what if he is just not serious about you? There are many key signs that can help you determine if this is the reason. He might not necessarily have an arranged marriage however it may be expected that he marry into his culture. If he is aware of his parent's wishes and knows he will be shun from the family, he might not be willing to do this ever. Therefore plans to marry within his culture later in life when he is ready. However in the interim he is quite happy with having you for company. Many Indian parents give approval to their sons to go and have fun while they are young as long as they return home later to marry into the culture.
Related Article: 10 Signs Your Punjabi Boyfriend Has An Arranged Marriage
Being kept a secret from your partners family can be challenging, especially if it leads to doubts of where his loyalty lays. You don't want to be strung along only to have your heart broken, but you also don't want to doubt your partner if he is the real deal. So it's best to use your intuition and understand that there is possibly a valid reason why you are still a secret and isn't always indicative of him playing the field. Though if you have your doubts then don't let your heart ruin your happiness by trying to please him hoping he will stay, when you know deep down he isn't in it for the long haul.
Have you been kept a secret from your partner's family?
Did it turn out to be for the right or wrong reason?
I'd love to hear from you so be sure to leave your comments below in the comments field.
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