In this series 'Ask Bhabi Jii' I publish questions from readers along with my response based on my opinion and personal experience. I encourage fellow readers to reach out and share your experiences and opinions so that it may assist the writer and any future readers in similar circumstances.
In the interest of privacy the writer's identity will always be kept anonymous. Therefore questions are edited to change any information that may be revealing. No nasty or distasteful comments will be accepted, this is a supportive community to share experiences with no judgement.
Ask Bhabi Jii: Should I Have An Abortion To Appease My Ex Punjabi Boyfriend?
Dear The White Punjabi Bride,
I just read your article about being kept a secret from your Punjabi boyfriend!
It’s really great you have a blog about being in an interracial relationship with a Punjabi, because that was me a couple months ago before a harsh break up. I just found out I’m pregnant with this Punjabi guy's child and he’s really pushing me to have an abortion due to the traditional strict family he has. I don’t necessarily know who to go to about this because nobody else understands how conflicting it is.
Do you perhaps have any insight on this terrible situation? I appreciate you taking the time to get back to me.
Peace & love.
Anonymous
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Dear Anonymous,
It's lovely to hear from you, albeit if only under different circumstances.
My biggest piece of advice to you, is to not give in to your boyfriend just to appease him as you have every right to do what you believe is best for you and your body. Then from there, it is up to him to accept your decision and support it. Or don't agree with your decision, but in any case will have to accept it. If you keep the baby, then once the baby is born he can decide whether or not to exercise his rights as a parent. But don't feel pressured to abort your baby if that is against your belief.
Especially as the Sikh faith is against killing any life form, even if your relationship is out of wedlock. So I highly doubt that his family would be accepting of that, despite the fact it's out of wedlock and with someone of another culture. It sounds as though he might just be thinking of himself and the predicament that he has gotten himself into. If you abort the baby then he doesn't have to worry about telling his family about the situation and all the drama associated with it.
If the baby was out of wedlock and with another Punjabi girl, his family would most likely push him to marry. However, since it is an interracial relationship there is no knowing how they will react, especially as you mentioned how traditional they are. Not to mention the drama that comes with having to pay child support and whether or not his family are a apart of the child's life. Avoiding the situation entirely is probably what he would be hoping for since a lot of men don't have the same bond to an unborn baby as a woman does.
It certainly is a complicated situation, hence why he seems eager to avoid the situation of having to bring his family into the picture. Traditional Punjabi parents will typically be against a love relationship, let alone an interracial love relationship. Then to add into the mix a baby out of wedlock. It is more than likely that they will not be supportive of the relationship, nor having a baby out of wedlock. Ultra conservative and traditional parent's might even disown their son for having a child out of wedlock and with someone from another culture. Although it is difficult to presume how they may react, one thing is for certain, they will want to avoid any gossip since Punjabi's are renowned for keeping up with everyone else's business.
Ultimately you should make the decision that you feel comfortable with. Since it is you who will have to go through the horrible process of abortion, or carry a baby for nine months. Either way it doesn't sound like he will be there to support you emotionally or physically. Therefore make the best decision you can for you and the unborn baby. If you believe you have the capability to raise a baby, most likely on your own without him, then as I said already don't let him pressure you into something. Especially since if he didn't want such a situation to occur, then he could have avoided it.
I truly hope that it works out for you, whichever way you decide to go.
The White Punjabi Bride
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Related Article: Are You Being Kept A Secret From Your Indian Partner's Family?
Let's open this up for discussion, what are your thoughts on the situation?
Let's not get into the abortion debate and just focus on the situation at hand. I realise this is a delicate topic to discuss as many of us have very strong opinions on the matter. Personally if I had the capability to raise the baby there is no way I would allow an ex partner to dictate what happens with my body. I couldn't imagine going through the trauma of an abortion and would try to avoid it at all costs.
The emotional and physical pain would require a lot of healing, and not having the support of a partner would only make it more difficult. Sometimes we look for the easiest solution and it isn't always as easy as we thought. Having an abortion is one of those solutions that many of us more than likely presume will be as easy as walking in and out of a clinic. Particularly for many men, as they don't realise just how taxing the process is on a woman's body, mind and soul. Even the morning after pill isn't a quick fix, as that too can be quite taxing emotionally and physically.
However if raising a baby is simply just not feasible for both parents, there are alternatives such as giving it up for adoption. Though at the end of the day, if there is no alternative and it is the best solution, then absolutely go for it. Just be thorough in researching the process and have someone there for support.
That's just my opinion, what advice would you give?
Would you go through an abortion to appease your ex partner?
I'd love to hear from you so be sure to leave your comments below in the comments field. Your comments go towards helping the writer and future readers, so please do share your opinion or advice on the matter.