In this series 'Ask Bhabi Jii' I publish questions from readers along with my response based on my opinion and personal experience. I encourage fellow readers to reach out and share your experiences and opinions so that it may assist the writer and any future readers in similar circumstances.
In the interest of privacy the writer's identity will always be kept anonymous. Therefore questions are edited to change any information that may be revealing. No nasty or distasteful comments will be accepted, this is a supportive community to share experiences with no judgement.
Dear The White Punjabi Bride,
Can I firstly just say how helpful your blog has been for someone who feels completely lost!
I’m Caucasian and have been dating a Punjabi guy who was born abroad, for near to a year. He told his parents about us at the 7 months stage and they initially had said that despite wanting him to be with a girl from his culture, they would ultimately accept whoever he chooses to be with.
I only recently found out that they have since changed their mind about our relationship. Now every time he comes home from university or talks on the phone to them, they lecture him about how he is making a mistake and how he should break it off with me.
I’m at a real loss about what to do, as I don’t like to see him upset. Yet I do really love him and cannot bare the thought of us not being together. I don’t know whether they will ever come around to the idea of us being together, as there is at times glimpses of hope when they will ask how I am or wish me luck for an upcoming trip.
What I’m really struggling with is if I’m wasting my time on a relationship that is a dead end. Or do I hope that love is enough for his parents to one day accept our relationship and not make his life miserable enough for him to break up with me?
Any help or advice would be much appreciated!
Lovely to hear from you.
Sorry to hear about your circumstances.
His parents sound as though perhaps they were hopeful that this wasn't anything serious. Therefore didn't want to cause any drama assuming you wouldn't be around for long. Perhaps their true intentions were for him to marry a good Indian girl of their choosing. If your relationship started becoming more serious his parents may have picked up on this. Have you discussed this with your partner? Usually most children already know what their parents intentions are for them from a young age.
Your partner would also know just how far they would go if they ultimately do want him to marry a good Indian girl. It isn't always the case, though if they feel strongly enough about their son marrying a good Indian girl they may disown him if he betrays them. So you need to have that discussion with your partner and know where he stands. Will he stand by your relationship or his parents? If he has already made his mind up and knows that he will ultimately listen to his parents wishes then its only fair he lets you know now.
However if you both decide to fight for your relationship despite his parents wishes, then you both need to be prepared in the event the worst case scenario does happen. Or they may simply make your lives miserable by continuing to berate your partner in the hopes he will break it off. This is why it is important to sit down and discuss this with your partner so that you can both decide how to handle this situation.
The Punjabi Culture is very family oriented and children are raised to respect their parents. Therefore many children usually do as their parents wish for fear of disrespecting them, even if he does love you. Many parents give them the okay to enjoy their life and date whomever they like, until they're old enough to marry and settle down with a good Indian girl.
With that said this isn't always necessarily the case, therefore as I always say, you would know your partner best. Have that discussion with him and take it from there. It's difficult to say if any relationship is worth fighting for, this is something that you need to decide. It may ultimately lead to heartbreak or it might not, just be sure to listen to your intuition.
I hope it works out for you both!
The White Punjabi Bride
What do you lovely readers think?
What do you think the parents true intentions are? Do you have any similar experiences to share with the writer. Lets start a conversation.
Leave your thoughts or experiences in the comments field below and help this reader or others in a similar situation.
READ MORE IN THE SERIES
Should I Let My Partner Abandon His Family For Us To Be Together?
My Punjabi In Laws Don't Approve Of Our Engagement